Don’t Measure Up?


How many fully grown adults are still beating themselves up over the fact they always felt they never measured up. Do you measure up? Have you ever been made to feel, or God forbid, been told you don’t measure up? Was it subliminally planted within your mind and spirit? You don’t measure up. . .

Being the “keep it real” person that I am, this post will be a bit of letting the cat out of the bag, spilling the beans, sharing a bit about myself I’ve never shared on my blog. You see, since I was a little girl I have battled with the message, “You don’t measure up.” It began while being sexually abused. That sent me a clear message that I did not measure up. Otherwise, someone, any adult, would have come to my rescue, especially when I found the boldness and bravery to speak up and expose what was going on. Instead, I was told to keep it a secret. We could not defame the family. My interpretation? “You don’t measure up. You’re not valuable enough to protect or redeem.”

As a typical teenage girl, I’d get crushes on some of the “popular” guys in school, only to be told, “They are not like us. We’re not rich. Leave them alone and find someone “like us.” Message received? “You don’t measure up. You’re not good enough to aim that high. Aim lower, accept something less.” So, I did, and ended up married to an abusive alcoholic, enduring over 16 years of domestic abuse. Perhaps subconsciously that was my way of throwing in the towel, accepting the fact I didn’t “measure up.”

Now I find myself battling demons again. I find myself hearing whispered in my ear from that harbinger of the past, “You don’t measure up.” I have come to accept that there will always be those who see me as inferior, whether friends, family, acquaintances or total strangers. But I have also come to realize something greater that extends beyond the bounds of their opinions. I DO measure up. It is my measuring stick that counts, and as I see my bucket list growing shorter, having accomplished more in life than I ever imagined, I am convinced that for those who count, who truly care, I do measure up!

With a devoted husband who loves and adores me, who attempts to make my life have meaning, joy and security every single day, I measure up. With four absolutely wonderful, yet individually unique granddaughters, as a grandma, I measure up. The sheer elation I receive interacting with victims and survivors of domestic violence, with media, advocates and those who support my endeavors is a high like no other. I stand tall, even at barely 5′ high, knowing that I am serving the Divine purpose for which I was created, and in that is a ton of knowing “You don’t measure up,” is merely one person’s perception that quite frankly should not count at all! I don’t care if it comes from a parent, an abusive spouse, a sibling, a peer or a stranger who says, “You don’t measure up.” Plain and simple—they are wrong, and probably for inappropriate reasons. It is what we know in and of ourselves that matters.

Yes, I may fall short at times, but God knows my heart. And I know my heart. And we know I measure up. I’m not my sibling, or a celebrity, or my pastor, or anyone else. I can’t be them, and they can’t be me. The truth is, none of us is or ever will be perfect. Thinking we can ever reach that status this side of eternity is absurd.

Have you been told, “You don’t measure up?” Well, you do, so don’t believe it! In and through God’s love we are all made to be the perfect creation of “me.” So, just be the best “me” you can be.

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