Yes, I have finally decided to take on this topic. You can’t imagine the flack received by activists and advocates of domestic violence awareness, accusations of hating men or the posts on the internet skewing numbers as to the proportion of women versus men who are abused. Well, I’m sticking with the statistic that seems to be closest to reality—of all victims of domestic and intimate partner violence, 95% are women. But, that leaves 5% of domestic violence victims as men.
First, let’s establish the foremost truth, and that is there is no place for domestic or intimate partner violence—period. It’s a matter of choices and decisions. If you don’t like the person you love, put some distance between you and him or her. I’m not saying jump headlong into divorce court, but simply separate yourselves from the contention, if even for a short while.
Get counseling. Find someone to confide in, someone you can rely on to give you sound wise counsel. It may be a mental health counselor, a pastor or an advocate at an abuse agency. Counseling saved my life, literally!
Now let’s address what starts domestic violence. It is that whole “Power and Control.” Yes, I will probably wear that phrase out here on my blog, but get used to it. That is the basis of domestic violence.
So, if you are a woman who is abusing a man, ask yourself these questions:
What is your instigation?
Why are you doing it?
Do you feel compelled to be in control and wield power over your partner?
Or perhaps it’s your brother you are abusing, or even your father? Domestic violence is not limited to intimate partner relationships.
Are you abusing your son with words of degradation and humiliation?
I am not alluding to those times when a woman is defending herself from attack, so do not misconstrue the message here. But, if you honestly answer those questions and find yourself on the short end of the stick, if you are abusing a man verbally, emotionally or physically, then stop it! It’s no more right for a woman to assault a man than for a man to assault a woman. No double standards here! We are all part of the same race—the human race—so let’s use more respect and dignity, and less power and control over others. Let’s apply the Golden Rule.
Dear ones, you see, it could so easily be turned around. You have an entire sisterhood out there, and for every man you are abusing, there are more than 9 women receiving the same treatment at the hands of a male counterpart. I just can’t bring myself to believe that is the image you want to bring to womanhood.