When Others Try to Control Us

How Do People Control Us?

It’s amazing the power one person can have over another, and how they can exercise certain levels of control over another’s emotional wellbeing. Emotions can be wrecked and hearts can be broken so easily. Over the past few weeks I have had conversations with various people who shared their observations of the inhumanity of mankind over their fellow man or woman. It’s not a national thing, or political, or even exclusively religious, but rather, it seems to be consuming the entire planet. So few people are willing to take ownership of their actions toward others. We just seem to think it’s okay to say or do anything and everything we want without ever considering the repercussions that may follow.

 There’s the whole bullying issue. It is prevalently reported as going on among young children and teens, but let’s face it, bullying also takes place among adults. And that stinks. We should know better. We should be teaching our own children better, as well. It is not okay to indiscriminately rattle off at the gums just because you feel like it, or want to speak your mind. There is an old saying: “Some people may consider you a fool. Do not open your mouth and prove them right.” It takes a lot more self-control to remain silent than to blow. Anybody can release their anger, that’s the easy way out. It’s using restraint and displaying perhaps the examples of oh, I don’t know, maybe Jesus or Gandhi or Mother Theresa that show the true measure of a person.

 People! There are poor souls who are taking their own lives because of others trying to control or abuse them. The rate of suicide is ridiculous.

 So, how do we keep others from controlling us? First, we start by knowing ourselves—I mean, truly and completely knowing ourselves. Who are we? What are the desires of our hearts? What are the intentions of our hearts, as well? What motivates us to act the way we do? How much do we value ourselves? You see, if we hold ourselves in some place of value, we realize we are worth more than allowing an abusive person to mistreat us. We set boundaries and parameters. As I have said in the past, if someone is toxic for us, we have the freedom to take away their rights to play in our sandbox. They can earn the right to return, or they can take their venomous actions and try working them on someone else. It was a tough decision, but I made the choice to restrict toxic people from my sandbox. I have to be in control of my own life, not others, with God guiding me and illuminating my path. Perhaps we should give more attention to cleaning our own backyard before we try to take over attempting to maintain another’s.

And while we are on the subject, a word to the wise: There is a great difference between leadership and ruling over a group. The best leaders see themselves as facilitators who listen to the members of their group and utilize any suggestions or input made. One person being in total control is never a good thing. That is why we are supposedly working under the “check & balance” system of government, as imperfect as it has become. Nobody has all the answers and nobody should consider being forceful as a good thing. Watch for the difference between passion and zeal. One walks with others, one walks over others.

 What would resolve this whole issue of compulsion to control others? Simple—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If the entire world would embrace the Golden Rule, what a great planet this would be!

 Listen to Carolyn’s interview with Cynthia Brennen, on “Help, Hope & Healing.” Visit her Everyday Health blog, Emotional Wellbeing, or her website at orangeblossomwishes.com.

Related articles

• Principle Number Three: The Golden Rule (psychologytoday.com)
• How to Communicate With a Jerk (straightinfo.wordpress.com)
• Dealing with an explosive/abusive person (mysterycoach.wordpress.com)
• Power vs. Personal Empowerment (psychologytoday.com)