The more this case goes on, the more it seems to be a pie of several sorts. You cut into one piece to find cherry, yet the next may be peach or even chocolate cream. How is that possible? She professes to have been sexually molested by her father and her brother, yet another part of her defense is that she is not capable of telling the truth. She purports Caylee drowned in the family pool, yet tape was found over the remains of what would have been the baby’s mouth? Why? Why tape over the mouth if she was already dead by drowning? In the event an effort was being made to keep a deep, dark hidden secret from being disclosed, that might partially explain why tape was found over the mouth. It’s just all so convoluted for this blonde to try and comprehend. I keep repeating, she is innocent until proven guilty, and quite frankly, as a mother of a daughter and having granddaughters, nothing would make me happier than to know beyond a reasonable doubt that Casey is innocent. I can’t imagine the state of mind Cindy must be dealing with.

But let’s get on to the topic I truly want to address here. A victim of sexual molestation is scarred for life. Wounds heal, but scars remain. I share that in my book, Orange Blossom Wishes. Victims of molestation go through life battling re-victimization. So, I’ll share my experience of being sexually molested by an extended family member and hope it makes some reasonable sense to you, the reader.

As a little girl, there were touches, smells, words and surroundings. Crazy as it may sound, I cannot to this day look at a 45rpm vinyl record without being taken back into that bedroom where he would lure me by offering to share his latest “top hit” song added to his collection. Rather than hearing a top hit, the hit was made on me, as he made his move and seemingly added me to his collection. Only thing is, I never found out until I wrote my book, when other female family members came forward to disclose they were his victims, as well, that there truly had been a collection of victims along with 45’s.

There was that musky smell of his body in the midst of his arousal. Far too many times when I was out on dates in my teens I’d begin to smell that same aroma coming from the skin of my date and freeze. I became identified as frigid. Nobody knew why. One night a guy tried to fondle my breast through my clothing, and I bit his hand so hard it broke the skin and caused severe bleeding. I suppose I fell into that fight or flight mentality. And he was the love of my life. Men with the same common name as my perpetrator? That would take me back, too. To hear his voice petrified me. And almost 20 years after the molestation had ended with him marrying and moving away, when I was convinced I was totally recovered, there he was at a family funeral, and there I was, frozen again, being transported back to the events that put the permanent scars in place, being hugged and slipping away into the “Secrecy at all cost” world.

I feel compelled to admit that a portion of the dysfunction in my first marriage, as long term as it was, was my responsibility. The only terms of sex I had known were that it was nasty, forced upon me, and I was a vessel meant for abuse, overpowering and control. So, when I married into an already abusive relationship, part of me was convinced my husband wanted sex to punish me for whatever it was I’d been punished by molestation all those years. Perhaps if there had been any tenderness or romance involved, rather than the whole “wham bam – thank you ma’am” scene, it might have been a bit different. But it is what it is. I just knew too much of it resembled those years of being sexually abused, misused and mistreated.

Now Casey Anthony is trying to convince at least a jury of her peers, if not the entire planet, that she should be exonerated from the accusations of murder because she was molested. Miss Anthony, I was molested. Millions of other mothers were molested as little girls—many of them by their fathers. Perhaps one or two have hidden their baby’s body and fabricated non-existent nannies and the like, while they partied away (I’ve seen the photos to be introduced soon. It ain’t pretty!). But, Miss Anthony, my guess is that 99.99% of all mothers who were sexually molested or assaulted when they were young are honest, capable, caring and nurturing parents. And I further guess if their baby came up missing, they’d be on it like a pit bull on a pork chop, trying to find their child—immediately, not one month later. So, once again I repeat myself: I personally consider this entire form of defense an insult and affront to the millions of survivors of sexual molestation.

I’m eager to hear the rationalization of this entire defense mechanism. Something tells me there is still a lot we don’t know, but are about to find out, and some may be quite disconcerting (Not that what we have heard so far isn’t).

And without equivocation, if this is the one time Casey can and does tell the truth, and she was actually sexually molested by her father and/or her brother, there should be some arrests made, sooner more than later.

45 rpm - The Tender Trap... double meaning?

  1. “But, Miss Anthony, my guess is that 99.99% of all mothers who were sexually molested or assaulted when they were young are honest, capable, caring and nurturing parents.”

    Victims of abuse tend to go one of two ways – they directly perpetuate the cycle of abuse onto those who cannot defend themselves, or they become much more caring, sensitive, and loving people.

    The recovery of an abuse victim is not easy – we both know that – but path you choose is a choice you make.

  2. The things that each of us experience as children, whether sex abuse, neglect, abandonment or just plain family dysfunctional hurts leaves an imprint on our lives. These imprints can define us if we allow them. They are a “reason” for some of our behaviors, but should never be used as an “excuse”. Ultimately each of us is responsible for the choices we make, even within the scars of sex abuse.

    • Rebecca,

      I could not have put it more perfectly myself. Words of great wisdom, whether from experience or not. Thank you for sharing. I believe that will encourage others who visit my blog. Welcome back any time!

  3. That was the worst peice of writing ive ever read. You just said ” yet tape was found over the remains of what would have been the baby’s mouth.” that was your only arguement on why casey was a murderer. She tried to make it look like a kidnapping. Now you said she tried to be acquited of murder because she was molested. Did you watch anything besides the news before you wrote this?

    • Perry, the message is not always in the detail. Just from reading your message, I’d guess you were never a victim of incest or molestation as a child, made it through and are now working to help those who were? Just my hunch. I never took either side – guilty or not guilty. I was going on the arguments made by both sides of attorneys and shared my own humble opinion. That’s what that post was about. (Have you read the others?) And the tape was NOT my only argument why Casey was (IF she even WAS) a murderer. Fact: Being molested as a child was intended to be their primary defense, but during trial Judge Perry would not allow it into closing argument because they had not adequately established it. Fact: Tape was found at the scene. It was PURPORTEDLY over her mouth/face at the time of my writing. Things progressed. I watched news, but not just HLN. I was not in the courtroom. I was at an office, working to pay bills, as were most others, counting on the media to give us an unbiased report. It pleases me to post your comment, because that is what America is all about. The ability to criticize someone openly and in public, and have your opinion just as honored as the one you are criticizing.

  4. CARROLL MACINTOSH says:

    MOLESTATION IS NOT A PRETTY THING MY NEICES HAD THE SCARS FOR YEARS
    FROM THEIR DAD AND HE SAID HE FELT HE HAD THE RIGHT TO DO IT BECAUSE
    HE WAS THE ONE THAT MADE THEM NOT THEIR MOTHER, HOWEVER IF HE FELT
    LIKE THAT WHY STOP THER, GO ON TO BIGGER FISH WHICH HE DID, SEX,SEX,SEX, IS HIS WHOLE LIFE AND HE WALKED SCOTT FREE.

    • Carroll,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog and make a comment. You are right – molestation scars. Wounds heal – scars remain. I learned that and shared it in my first book. Please come back often and visit, always feeling free to leave a comment. Incest is a horrific experience, and no child should ever experience it!

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