DOMESTIC VIOLENCE—When it’s Time to Think About Leaving

Time to leave – On the right track now…

Many are confronted constantly by “subtle” signs of abuse that quickly and easily lead to domestic violence. It may be time to start thinking about leaving if you find yourself saying or thinking the following about your spouse/intimate partner: He/she…

• Displays extreme (or even moderate) jealousy
• Swipes the air in front of my face, hits the wall next to where I am standing or threatens to hit me
• Grabs my arm or neck, and applies any amount of pressure
• Forces me to back up while yelling threats or accusations, pins me into a corner or blocks my path refusing to allow me to move
• Insults me or humiliates me in public
• Glares at me until I look away, or stares at me for a long period of time
• Demands to know intimate details of my life
• Tells me how I feel, even though I don’t, then makes fun of me for it
• Listens in on my conversations
• Threatens to leave me, and perhaps to take the children with him, if there are any
• Threatens to harm, or abuses the family pet
• Follows me around, tracks me, uses GPS to find my location, calls around to find me
• Tells me what to do, then gets very angry if I don’t do it in a timely manner…in his/her timing
• Makes countless calls to me, or sends innumerable texts, inquiring where I am, what I am doing, who I am with, when I will return or threatening harm to me if I do not respond
• Abuses alcohol and/or drugs
• Threatens to kill himself, or me

Or perhaps you find yourself:

• Apologizing for “bringing this on” and worst of all,
• Feeling he/she has grounds to act this way, and in some perverted fashion, I deserve the treatment being doled out to me.

If you find even a minimal number of these occurrences taking place in your relationship, it may be time to consider getting out. BUT, before you do, be sure to contact an agency, advocate or a mental health counselor who can help you form a safety plan (See Victim Support Page on my website). Be prepared. Be safe. When it comes to domestic violence, it is rare that it does not just get worse—and worse.

Carolyn is an advocate for sexual/domestic violence and assault awareness, also focusing on child sexual abuse. She is a Life Direction & Empowerment Coach, working with victims and survivors of molestation, sexual assault, domestic violence or spousal abuse, and bringing training to organizations seeking to help victims. Read her story in her book, ORANGE BLOSSOM WISHES: Child Molested, Woman Abused—Her Victorious Journey to Freedom and visit her website: orangeblossomwishes.com.