DOMESTIC VIOLENCE—How Did I Get Into Another Abusive Relationship?—Part 2

Happily married – no more abuse

After another year or two of total detachment and singlehood, I decided to try again, through the internet sites. At least my radar had finally been delivered, installed and was operative, maybe not always working at its best, but better with each new encounter. I met some real loonies, once nearly being raped, once being invited as the guy’s date to his wife’s funeral (YES! He DID! and NO, I did NOT!), but I also made some good friends. Progressively, and through hard knocks, I finally reached the point of being able to recognize the red flags, but also to dismiss the ones carrying them, and removing them from my life in a speedy manner. Asking someone to leave is never easy, but when you know it is best for you, and even for the other party, it makes it a bit less painful.

Being single was not so bad, once I got the concept of me having the right to make my own choices, and refusing toxic relationships to be a part of my life. With a totally broken heart from what I was determined would be my final relationship, I became consumed with writing my first book. Each tap of a key felt as if I were releasing onto paper all the demons that had haunted me. It was cathartic, and very healing. I was calling all my own shots, and loving life to the fullest. I reached a point of making a deal with God. After all those years of whining and complaining about, “I ain’t got nobody,” and “What’s wrong with me that I can’t get a man?”, or “God, why are you punishing me?”, one day I stood in my living room and quite literally spoke out, “Okay, here’s the deal. I LIKE being single. I like being in total control of my own life. From here on out, it’s You and me. No man—just us. Thank you very much for listening. Now I have to get back to my computer and finish that book.”

I took off, headlong into my very own life—just me and God. It was phenomenally fulfilling. I was the happiest I had ever been. To help my writing endeavors, I joined a social network and clearly stated on my profile I was only there to interact with other writers—NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP. But some guy either couldn’t read or paid no attention to my note. He sent me an e-mail. My shallow blonde self first checked out his pictures. There before my very eyes was my friend. We met in second grade, and were close buddies throughout high school. No crush, no date, just close friends. For 39 years we had lost all contact, and BAM! He had appeared out of nowhere. I never saw him coming! The funny part was, he did not recognize me, but I knew who he was the moment I saw his pictures. Talk about surprised when he realized who he had hit on!

Long story short—once I got myself together, healed, healthy, and finally over all the abusive and damaging relationships, I was in another place. I reminded God about that deal I made—no more men. I think I heard him laugh.

After knowing each other for 50 years, my buddy and I had our first date. Five months later we married. Now I get to write, participate in the things I enjoy, work with all my passion as an advocate and offer victim support with his blessings. He is my biggest source of support. I get to go home to my best friend every night after work. We laugh, we talk, we love, and we adore each other. I am no longer controlled or manipulated, but accepted as myself, and encouraged to continue being me, the best me I can be. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

It was not easy to learn how to have a functional relationship. There were a lot of bumps and bruises, even after the domestic violence ended. It was a matter of re-locating my self-esteem and belief in myself—in all that God had purposed for me to do, be and have. You see, it is possible. If I could find the way, you can, too. Need help? Here, take my hand! Any questions?

Carolyn is an advocate for sexual/domestic violence and assault awareness, also focusing on child sexual abuse. She is a Life Direction & Empowerment Coach, working with victims and survivors of molestation, sexual assault, domestic violence or spousal abuse, and bringing training to organizations seeking to help victims. Hennecy spent much time during October 2011, which is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, with media doing radio and television interviews. See Carolyn’s interview with Gayle Guyardo of NBC Channel 8 News Today Early Morning Show and her featured segment on the ABC Action News Emmy Award winning “Taking Action Against Domestic Violence” at orangeblossomwishes.com.

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